The REAL Reason Marriage Is Sacred. . .That You've Probably Never Heard

I'm taking a little break from blogging my study through Mark to tell you about the best and most powerful explanation for the sanctity of marriage that I've ever heard.

A few months ago, I attended the Gateway Conference 2015 and Pastor Jimmy Evans gave this teaching. If you don't know Jimmy Evans, Google "Marriage Today." He and his wife started this ministry years ago, and so you'd expect him to have all the answers about marriage. However. . .

He explained that one morning, as he was getting ready for the day, God hit him with a question: "Jimmy, do you know the real meaning of marriage?" This was such a weird question to ask Jimmy--a man whose entire career has been teaching literally thousands of people about marriage--but Jimmy stopped and said, "Well. . .I thought I did, but. . .if You have to ask me, then. . .I'm guessing I don't?"

God then proceeded to show Him three pictures, for which I am so thankful. For the first time, marriage made clear and honest sense to me on a deep and sacred level. After hearing this teaching, my mind flooded with clarifications and ramifications, and I will try to summarize and explain them as well as I can for you now. (This is going to go deep, so please don't speed-read through it.)

The first picture was the Trinity: The Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. When we think about the Trinity--although we cannot fully grasp how one Being can exist in three Persons--probably the greatest "take-away" we can gain is that the Trinity is the truest, purest manifestation of Love. . .ever. If we think about human love, the highest level of human love is "laying down life for friends." As humans, we can't get any more ultimate than that. Life is our most precious gift, so in giving that up, we cannot show anything greater when it comes to love. (Incidentally, this is why Jesus' death on our behalf should break our hearts.) 

However, the Trinity exists in a state of far greater love than human love. Why or how is this possible? Simply this: None of the Persons of the Trinity will EVER NEED to die for each other. Think about that. They are truly free to love with reckless abandon, knowing that this love will never be betrayed, second-guessed, nor unrequited. They love Each Other to such an extent we cannot fathom because, even in the purest of human relationships, betrayal and distrust are still within the realm of possibility. We may not want to think about this fact, but if we are honest with each other, we will admit that our love is very very dependent on how the "other person" behaves. The Trinity is not bound by any of that nonsense.

Okay. . .So the Trinity is the truest form of Love.

Second picture: Christ and the church. In Ephesians 5:22-32, Paul gives us a picture of how husbands and wives are to love each other. He explains that the attitudes of husbands and wives are to mirror the relationship between Jesus and the church. The picture of Jesus is what the man should pattern his love after--that he is willing to lay his life down for his wife, that he protects his wife, that he cares for her every need, etc. The picture of the church is what the woman should pattern her love after--that she allows the husband to lead, that she trusts the husband, that she accepts his love, etc. This shouldn't be a new concept to anyone who has read the Bible. So. . .moving on. Just keep in mind that "Christ and the Church" is simply a picture of what the marriage relationship should look like. Also, keep in mind that God is first in this relationship at all times--if either the husband or wife try to be "first" the whole thing falls out of balance. I Cor 11:12 says, "For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. (NIV)" Neither the man nor the woman actually has dominion over the other, but God has ultimate dominion since everything comes from Him.

Make sure to get this point from the second picture: There is a trinitarian balance between Christ and the church, because God is the one who gives the church to Christ (Eph 1:22). God is still in the picture. It's a trinity.

Now, here comes the third and final picture: Adam and Eve. If we look in Genesis, we find that God created man out of the dust of the ground, but then he created woman from Adam's rib, right? This is where Jimmy read this verse:

Genesis 1:27 "So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them."

So then he asked us the question, "Was man created in the image of God?" The congregation said, "Yes." Then he asked, "Was woman created in the image of God. . .or in the image of the church?" There was a little confusion, so he asked again, "Can we all agree that woman was also created in the image of God?" The congregation said, "Yes." I think this is a point that a lot of pastors miss or forget about. Woman was also created in the image of God. The "Christ and the church" thing is merely a relational pattern from which to learn. But woman was NOT created in the image of the church. Important to remember.

So then, this is where it really got interesting.

He read Genesis 2:18 "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Then he read the verses in John where Jesus tells the disciples that He would send His "Comforter" after He left the earth. Jimmy made the point that the words "helper" and "Comforter" are one and the same. . .Interesting.

So Jimmy asked again, "Do we believe that man and woman were both created in the image of God?"...."Yes."

He proceeded to explain the similarities between Jesus and man: Man was created first (Gen 1 & 2) and Jesus is referred to as the "first fruits" (I Cor. 15:20,23). Man is the head of the home just as Jesus is the head of the church (Eph 5:23). Man was held responsible for sin (I Cor. 15:21), just as Jesus is given responsibility over all humanity (John 6:37; 10:29). He asked, "Can we agree that man was created in the image of God, but more specifically in the image of Christ?"

Then he proceeded to explain the similarities between the Holy Spirit and woman. Woman was created second (I Cor. 11:8), just as the Holy Spirit came after Christ (Acts 1:8). The word "helper" in Genesis 2:18 and "Comforter" in John 14:16,26 is the same word. In a healthy marriage, the wife carries out the plans of the partnership (Proverbs 31), just as the Holy Spirit carries out God's will in our lives (John 14:26; I Jn. 2:27). Then he asked, "Can we agree that woman was created in the image of God, but more specifically in the image of the Holy Spirit?"

Now. . .BE CAREFUL. If you disagree with this, make sure you aren't assuming what isn't being said. This DOESN'T mean that the Holy Spirit is feminine. Technically, God isn't either gender because He is a Spirit (John 4:24). He is called "Father" so we can relate to Him personally, but He is not technically a "He" at all. . .But God also isn't a "She." And also. . .if you want to go there, God isn't an "It" either. Remember Genesis 1:27 above? "Male and female He created them." God created gender. God doesn't have a gender.

Secondly, this isn't perpetuating some non-Biblical nonsense about "God the Mother" or goddess beliefs. Again, God transcends gender. He created gender for reproduction of humanity and for a way that humans could experience romantic love. Speaking of this love, we are now coming full-circle.

In all of these pictures, you will see that there is a trinity of sorts. In the Trinity Himself, in "Christ and the church" with God also present, and also in the creation of man and woman as the images of God: If man is in the image of Jesus and woman is in the image of the Holy Spirit, then the Father must be present. 

I have always been taught that God has to be present in our marriages, but I had never before thought of why. I have seen Republican politicians and equally militant conservative pastors fiercely debate talking-heads and furiously pound pulpits for the "sanctity of marriage," but whenever it came down to it, all they could say is that "Only a man and woman!. . .It's Adam and Eve! Not Adam and STEVE!" But no one really said why. With this trinitarian picture of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I can clearly understand why marriage must (1) include God, (2) be between a man and a woman, and (3) be considered sacred. 

This picture is so powerful because it clearly opens our eyes as to why the following situations are wrong:

POLYGAMY: You can't have more than two humans in a true marriage, because even if God didn't explicitly say "Don't take more than one wife/husband," in a polygamous situation, God inevitably would make the fourth. . .or fifth. . .or sixth, etc. entity. Not a trinity.

THREESOME: Similar to polygamy. A threesome is a totally human, mortal, fallible trinity; not a blessed one. In order to be blessed, one of the people would have to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and holy as God is. That's a tall order for any of us sinners!

BESTIALITY (or like one of those situations where some crazy lady wants to marry a building.): Animals (and buildings) are not created in God's image, so therefore cannot represent Christ or the Holy Spirit.

INCEST: Jesus and the Holy Spirit, while part of the same God-head, are somehow also completely separate entities and are not blood-related. (Technically, neither are the Father and Son. The terms "Father" and "Son" are purely relational terms for us, to help us understand what God the Father and God the Son are like, but. . .again, God is a Spirit. Jesus didn't come from the Father. He was with the Father from the beginning of time [Jn 1:1].)

FORNICATION AND ADULTERY: The Trinity is the picture of pure, committed love. Neither fornication nor adultery show commitment.

HOMOSEXUALITY: You can't have a Trinity with two Holy Spirits. Nor can you have a Trinity with two Jesuses. However, Christians, listen up! This picture also voids all the hateful "because it's gross and unnatural" answers perpetuated by ignorant Christians. "Gross and unnatural" are opinion-generated words. Opinion is always weaker and more emotionally triggering than fact. The fact is, marriage is the image of the Trinity because man and woman are created in God's image--with God as the Father of the union.

UNBELIEVING HETEROSEXUALITY (Don't miss this!): Even if a man and a woman get married, the marriage is NOT a true marriage if God isn't Father over it. If a marriage is only between the image of Jesus and the image of the Holy Spirit, the trinity is not complete. This also counts if only one person is an unbeliever. Unless both parties believe, God will not be Father over the union. THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T STILL BINDING! All marriages count and are binding in God's eyes because God is everywhere and holds us accountable for all promises we make (Matt. 5:33-37; James 5:7-12), whether we are believers or non-believers. However, a marriage between ONLY a man and a woman--with God missing--will not be blessed because it has no trinitarian power. 

Don't miss this point: An unbelieving marriage is binding; but not blessed! (Allowances for divorce: Matt 5:32; 19:9; I Cor. 7:15, don't make divorce any easier and shouldn't be taken as loopholes for making a stupid marriage decision. If blessing is the goal, make blessed choices.)

[Side point: This concept makes passages come alive like II Cor 6:14 - "14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. . .(NIV)" The passages continues in verse 16 to say, "I will live with them and walk among them. . ." God wants your marriage to be a trinity with Himself at the forefront. . .Or  Psalm 127:1a, "Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: (KJV)". . .Why are the workers laboring in vain if God isn't there to build the house? Because there is no trinity without God there.]

CHRISTIAN HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE FAILURES (Read with humility): What about those Christian marriages that end in divorce? If both people are Christian, their marriage should last, right? No. And this is a big manifestation to the point that Christianity is NOT a religion. If Christianity were a religion, than going through the motions and traditions of marriage should be enough for marriage to last. Instead, Christianity is rather a faith-based relationship. Hear this: ALL MARRIAGES WILL FALL APART IF GOD IS NOT FIRST. That means, even in Christian marriages, when a husband or wife becomes selfish, the trinity is dissolved. When a husband or wife wanders, becomes addicted to porn, or takes another lover, the trinity is dissolved. When a husband or wife loses respect for the other, the trinity is dissolved. This is why marriages should be bathed in prayer. God is part of your marriage. If you ignore Him, your marriage will fall apart. If you trust Him and put Him first, you will stay married and you will gain a deeper respect and love for your partner every day.

Think about it. I hope other verses pop into your mind in a whole new way, now that you have read this. I hope this opens your eyes as much as it did mine. When I heard these three pictures, I thought, "Now why don't more pastors preach this? This answers every question about marriage that I've ever had!!" Hopefully, more people will realize this perspective and we can have deeper, fuller marriages than ever before.

Anyway, I believe marriage should be between a man, a woman, and God.

. . .and now you know why I believe it (I Peter 3:15).



One final thought: Do I believe that man is created in only the image of Jesus, and woman only the image of the Holy Spirit? No. I believe that humankind's stamp of the Creator goes far deeper than we can imagine or know in this life. However, for the purpose of marriage, a trinitarian concept gives me deeper insight into interpreting marriage-related verses in the Bible and helps me understand the relationships I encounter in day-to-day life.

The Great Commission

There are certain churches out there that don't like questions. It's rather humorous since the Bible completely promotes free-thinking. They will say, "You must agree with us, b/c if you question, you are threatening God." Let's not even discuss closed-mindedness right now. Let's focus on the more immediate question of: how can we even HOPE to threaten God? I mean, come on! It's ridiculous. They are so scared of everyone "falling away," and they take stuff like Hebrews 6 out of context. It's like...why do you even believe in God as Truth, if the slightest wind can blow you away? It doesn't speak much for faith at all...and it completely negates the concept of Truth.

Like...this is one I've heard all my life. The age-old line of questioning:

"Why did Jesus hang around with tax collectors and prostitutes?"

"B/c they were the only ones who were open, and the Jewish synagogue leaders in Jerusalem had rejected him."

"So...shouldn't we have a mission to those kinds of people if they are so open?"

"NO!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!"

"Why not?"

"B/c of the danger of lust! And you could so easily fall into sin! And the appearance of evil!!!"

"But...aren't we supposed to follow Christ's example?"

"Yes!...but not in that way!"

"Why not?"

"B/c He was God! He could handle it!"

Okay, before I go another step, let me explain what I'm NOT saying, b/c I've just set myself up. I'm NOT saying that we should have our next Sunday School class at the nearest brothel. I don't know why I would be saying that anyway, b/c Jesus didn't go into strip clubs and adult content stores. However, He was friendly to those people. He even *gasp* went to their HOUSES! Yes, we are not to make ties with the world. But, there is a difference between being a close friend and being friendly.

Get out of your comfort zone and look up a youtube video or two about transamerica with an open heart rather than a wrinkled nose, or start a conversation with the Satanist at work about about the new dog he just bought. These people are searching! They desperately want love and so they look in all the wrong places!!!

They will never see the truth if all they see is hate. Of COURSE they know they are wrong! Their families turn on them. They lose close friends who are appalled at them. They can't walk anywhere without being stared at. You know what that does? It drives them farther in!!! Imagine what an impact we would have if, instead of preaching about staying away, we would actually do what Jesus and the apostles did and love them and talk to them and understand who they are as people.

Instead, we stay in our churches and sing our hymns and talk to our people. We crinkle up our noses at the mention of words like "gay." Like somehow we are being holy and making God happy b/c of our abstinence from a mass of people that He created in His own image.

You know...that argument just does not hold water at all. It's a stupid excuse, b/c actually we are scared of what other Christians will think. Okay...maybe it's not fear. Fear is a weakness, right? We aren't weak. No not us. So we call it "discernment". So...good for us b/c we had the fortitude to stay away from 'bad' people. Whoopti-doo...People need Jesus, and although some will stumble across Him without us, the majority probably will not. Do you realize how serious that is?

What? did the Great Commission say "All the world will go unto ye if they ever clean up their act and show up?" No. It's our responsibility--to ALL nations, it says. And besides, who are we that they should deign to darken our doors of their own accord?

The clock is ticking. Can we waste time waiting for people to come to us? Show the solidarity of a faith in Christ. A faith that can withstand temporary lusts. A faith that is more loving than a support group. A faith that is founded by truth, and a truth that is the essence of love.