Is God For Me? Pt. 2

So. I didn't think a follow up would happen this soon. That last blog was kind of different for me, because usually I'm blogging about something amazing I learned from something I read in the Bible or heard preached in a sermon. Anyways, I like to write about getting to know God better, and the the thing is, the reason I haven't written anything in a long while is not that I still haven't been learning, but rather that I just feel like no one listens. Really it just means that no one listens the way I expect them to. I mean, just because I feel like God isn't as close as I want Him to be, doesn't mean that He isn't. It just means that I feel that way.

Feelings is feelings.

Anyways, I heard something really awesome that completely took me by surprise today as I was getting ready. I was listening to the last ten to fifteen minutes of the teaching by Dennis McCallum that can be found here:

http://www.xenos.org/teachings/nt/matthew/dennis/mat16-2.htm

(That may be an older version, so I can't completely vouch for it having the same info as the one I heard today. The one I heard today was titled "Matthew 16 - The Transfiguration and Metamorphosis," and can be found by subscribing to Xenos podcasts preached by Dennis McCallum.)

Anyways, the part of the teaching that spoke to me was about how Peter was so overcome by the presence of Elijah and Moses and Christ's glorification that he blurted out that they should erect a temple. Then Mr. McCallum asked the question if any of us has ever had a spiritual high only to be followed by the feeling that God has left us or at least is keeping His distance from us. Completely relevant, so I listened up. He said that things go that way for two reasons. Either we are living a life of undealt with sin, so we are the ones impeding Him, or (and this was the part that took me by surprise) that those sought after "experiences" may actually be a sign of spiritual immaturity, not maturity. In other words, God may need to give younger or more immature Christians the "signs and wonders" for the purpose of making things clear and proving Himself to them, whereas for more seasoned believers, there may be times of the sense of abandonment. The thing is, it's not really abandonment. It is the time for faith testing and strengthening.

This makes complete sense. For instance, when was the time of Abraham's faith strengthening? Was it during the time when God pointed to the stars giving him a promise? No. It was when Abraham was about to plunge the sacrificial knife into the heart of his only son of promise. That was no picnic.

I think of Paul too. Paul's time of strengthening wasn't when He was preaching and teaching in synagogues, being bitten by snakes, or healing people. His time of greatest testing was when he asked for his affliction to be removed--more than once--three times. I can completely identify. I think most of us can. It's easy to believe in God when He totally hears you and gives you an answer. It's REALLY hard to believe in God when you have a huge problem that God won't remove.

Or else consider: When was Christ's work accomplished? Was it when He was riding a donkey through the town like rock star? Was it when He turned water into choicest wine? Was it when He fed over 5,000 people? No. It was on the cross, when He took the sin of the entire world upon Himself. Sin so great, so evil, so unholy that the Father Himself actually abandoned Him for a moment. That was nearly literal abandonment. That is abandonment that only God Himself could do to Himself. That is abandonment that God would never do to us.

My little sister gave me some references that explain this concept:

Romans 8:25-29
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And I really like this one:

Hebrews 12:11-12
11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.

The abandonment on the cross was Christ's ultimate testing, not that stuff in the wilderness by Satan. The real test wasn't being offered principalities and powers by a lesser being, the real test was abandonment by the Almighty Father for the sake of humans who deserve abandonment, but now can recieve eternal security. Pretty interesting dichotomous concept.

So, the point isn't that we are suddenly immature in our faith if you or I go back through the time of spiritual high of amazing God experiences. Those times are great, and should be recognized as great, but those times are NOT necessarily mutually exclusive to spiritual maturity. As Ps. McCallum puts it in the same teaching, "Those times should be welcomed, but not idolized." Good advice.

Anyway, nothing has changed on the outside. I'm still struggling with failure, and I'm not going to say that "everything's all right" when it's not. Life still sucks, but God is for me. I know this now. I'll probably need reminders in the future, but. . .that's sanctification for ya.

Is God For Me?

So my pastor has been preaching a sermon series called "I Quit," and the premise is that trust in God really leaves no room for complaining. I really need this series, because this past year has been one of frustrations.

And they're not over.

And it sucks.

Now, I know that many awesome things have happened to me this year that I never expected, and I thank God for them, but all of those things were kind of out of my control. That's perfectly fine. I'm glad to be powerless at those times. I'm glad God's in control. I think it's awesome. That's not what bugs me.

What's been bugging me for the past year is that I feel like everything I try to do gets shut down immediately or blows up in my face. Especially, but not exclusively, when it comes to finding work. What frustrates me is that: I have a college degree combined with good grades and awards; I have loads of experience in both pertinent and unique areas; I do a good job and have a pool of recommendation from which to draw; and I'm flexible. . .so can someone please tell me why jobs I could do in my sleep get filled by other people?

I understand that unemployment is at a generational high right now. I get that too. It's just frustrating when I see job-holding people who aren't doing as good a job as I would.

So, I'm frustrated. And it's not just the unobtainable work force, I'm talking about. I'm talking about almost everything. Endeavors I try to start fall flat on their faces. Talents I have that I try to expand get mocked. Responsible choices I try to make are the exact opposite of choices I should have made. Nothing's being used for God's glory. . .and I'm trying. That's the killer. I'm actually taking every feasible opportunity that comes to me--even stupid ones. I keep thinking that I shouldn't shut any doors in case these are doors that God is opening. . .But here's where it gets even more frustrating: Whenever I try to pry open a door that's put in front of me, it doesn't just shut--my fingers get slammed in the door.

Now, that sounds like a real pity party, and I know it, and I hate that I even feel it. I know feelings are fleeting and that I'm supposed to be trusting God, right? Like. . .isn't that why God put stuff like Job and Ecclesiastes and Christ's crucifixion in the Bible? So we would see other people's faith in the face of great trial? We would see it and go, 'Okay, I'm stupid for thinking my little problems are that bad compared to Job or Jesus. I should suck it up and trust God because they did and God used them.'

It's hard though, because I don't feel like God even wants to use me. He sure isn't, lately--even when I'm sitting here, open to being used!

This brings me to a feeling I was having this past Sunday after the sermon. Before the sermon, we sang three songs. One of them had a line in it that, after the message and now every time I think about it, chokes me up. But not for the right reason. The line is "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?" That phrase is so moving, and rightly so. Truly, we are weak and He is strong. Truly, God has promised to abide with us and to be our Protector. Yea verily, He has promised to bless us. I understand. I even agree.

The thing is that when I hear that phrase, I think something dangerously sinister. I think, 'Maybe the exact reason I'm getting stopped is because God isn't for me. . .' I can't sing the song the same way everyone else does right now. For me, that song is a painful reminder of the fact that maybe I'm being rejected by God. I keep praying for direction, but how can I be directed if every avenue is blocked? That's not direction. That's cloistering. That's handicapping. One of them has to get unblocked for direction to happen, right? But it's not happening. I almost had an atheist moment on Sunday, which is ironic because I went forward at the end of the sermon saying I need help, and I never go forward. I even happened to discussed the sermon briefly with the pastor afterwards in agreement, and I don't always get that chance. Irony.

After having these thoughts, the Holy Spirit brought to mind Paul's teaching in Romans about how God loved Jacob and hated Esau. I also began to think about this friend I'd witnessed to years ago, who maybe believes. . .or probably doesn't anymore. I don't know, because he won't talk to me anymore. His problem was that he kept claiming that he believed what the Bible said, but that he didn't think himself one of the elect. He believed maybe he was one who, like Esau, God hated.

So, in my mind, I started down that path this past Sunday. Yes, maybe that's it. Maybe my life is supposed to be a waste. Maybe I am supposed to have talents for the express purpose of seeing what a life does when it tries to trust God, but can't because it is too narcissistic to be loved by Him. I mean, if Esau's life brought glory to God, then maybe that's how mine is supposed to work too.

Then the Holy Spirit made me think of something else. What was the reason that God loved Jacob and hated Esau? The reason was because neither of them were pursuing God, but God chose to show His complete and utter awesomeness by deeming one of those that hated him, loved.

So, am I in Esau's category? Do I hate God? Have I spurned Him? Have I rejected Him? Have I cursed the Spirit? No. I want to know more about Him--even in these rough patches. I read the Bible to see what He has to say and pray for direction. These are things that I want to do, even when my human mind questions my sanity about doing them. It makes no human sense to read about a God that you believe has rejected you, let alone keep reading--not because I'm trying to appease Him or feel good about myself--but because I know in my heart that it's the only real way of getting any direction. Plus, God's cool, and it's fun to read about what He's done. (Plus, the Archaeological Study Bible is just fascinating.)

So I'm not in Esau's category, because I don't hate God. If I desire God then that's pretty good, because God says He won't reject anyone who loves Him. Plus, if God could pursue someone who didn't really care about Him like Jacob, then He will certainly pursue someone who loves Him. I mean, really, I was in the same boat as Jacob at some point. No one comes to God in and of his/herself.

So here's my conclusion on the matter: God's there and He hasn't rejected me. That's all I know to be true right now. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know where I'm supposed to live. I don't know anything about the future--near or far. I don't know how I'm supposed to be used by Him. No clue.

Weird ending, huh? But maybe for the first time I realize why the ending of Ecclesiastes sounds so unfulfilling. "Fear God and keep His commandments." I used to read that going, "Really. . .That's really where you wanna leave it, huh?" But now, I guess I kinda get it. "Fear God and keep His commandments" sounds masochistic at best, but I think that's because we are too Disney-fied and Hallmark-carded to death. Life isn't a bowl of cherries; it sucks. That's reality. Fear God and keep His commandments because eventually God will bring everything to light. When life is going great, Fear God and keep His commandments. When life sucks, Fear God and keep His commandments.

And guess what. If you desire Him, then that's a good sign. . .It might be the only good sign. . .but. . .

Maybe that's more than enough. . .?

picture from: http://jer-skepticscorner.blogspot.com/2010/11/slamming-back-doorthrough-front-door.html

The Danger of Extreme Calvinism

I know that my actions have consequences, . . . however, why do I so often seemed doomed to fail? How can God love me when I am just a pawn?

We can debate and convince and debate and convince. But when all is said and done . . . those nagging questions come right back. Why? Because our convincing is based on emotional surface logic rather than well-thought out truth.

Freewill. The first wrong argument downplays predestination by saying that God simply just knows the future and what we are going to do before we do it. Predestination is simply reduced to a prior knowledge, and that basically the real power lies within us. While this really makes us aware of our responsibility as people, it is heresy. We are told time and again of God's absolute power and complete authority over His creation. We can't just forget that for the sake of not making Him seem as terrible as He really is--even in the New Testament, God is still pretty terrifying. Revelation, anyone?

Predestination. The other side completely downplays our choice in the matter at all. They claim that God does it all and we have no real say. This makes logical sense. If a mouse were in a battle against a lion . . . there would be no battle to speak of. However . . . that's not the concept here. The only way we could make this analogy work is if the lion had created the mouse and allowed the mouse to have a freewill. This is the point I think pastors with this thinking skim over: It's not a matter of might. It's a matter of truth--God has told us that we have a choice. You'd think a good pastor would know that.

In truth, downplaying either side for the sake of the other is just plain wrong. Both sides cannot be denied. Even if it "makes good sense" to downplay freewill, it's wrong. We have responsibility for our actions, but God is in control of everything. However, it's not a matter of who does MORE work in my life--the Spirit or me?--as though you can break it down into percentages. As though God keeps a scoreboard. No. There is no scoreboard, b/c we would be nowhere on that board. If God were self-serving and a score-keeper, would He give His own Life for us? I suppose the sadists would say "Well, of course He would, and that's exactly why He did!" But think about that for a second. When you give something--expecting something in return--do you give EVERYTHING you have? No. We all withhold something. God didn't.

Becoming totally Calvinist (no freewill), I believe, is wrong-thinking b/c it scares people the wrong way. The only thing we are to fear is God--period. Nothing else. We are not supposed to fear whether or not we are the chosen. That is misplaced fear. Many times churches will use this misplaced fear to control their congregations. It's little wonder the world sees the church as it does--a closed-minded guilt forum. To sit and wonder, fret, and worry if we are chosen or not is not an issue. It's a fairy tale. It's like wondering what would have happened if we'd married our boyfriend in sixth grade. Who cares. It's fantasy. It's not real. It may be a provoking thought for five minutes, but it's not truth. If we understand God's salvation and we trust Him, then there is no more debate. We are chosen. End of story.

There is a fear that arises sometimes when we read passages about God dying for "the elect." I used to worry about this as a child. It used to keep me up all hours of the night. As though God only shed enough blood for those precious few, and none of the others. What if I wasn't elected? There are many things wrong with this thinking, and I will only cover a few. First of all, while there are many passages that say that God redeemed the chosen ones, there are just as many saying that God died for the entire world. God didn't just die for a percentage. That's human logic. If someone paid the bail for everyone in prison and you stayed, who would actually be redeemed? Well...the ones who took up the offer, of course! You wouldn't! You'd still be in jail--even though your crimes were paid in full. Redemption is a two-person transaction.

Secondly, if God has such a hand in His creation to reach down and save some and not others, isn't that diabolically sadistic of Him? Well, Paul talks about this in Romans when he talks about God loving Jacob and hating Esau. God can choose whomever He wants. The fact that God chooses some, when all deserve hell . . . well, . . . you get the idea.

But we still come back to this problem of how God could choose some and not others. Personally, I see that as a lie. I see it as a diversion from the real stakes. Let's use the jail analogy again. Do you remember word problems? Well, figure this one out: If you'd committed a crime and were thrown into prison along with 40 other people, and someone came and paid the bail for all of you, but only 3 people left the jail b/c the "payer" came and bodily grabbed them out of the cell and threw them into a limo that would take them to a new house, but everyone else stayed--even though to stay would mean the electric chair, . . . could you really use the excuse, "well, why should I leave when there are 37 other people getting the electric chair? Why didn't the bail payer come and grab all of us?"

Now let's talk about the convincing argument. As Christians, I think many times we go down the Hallmark Family Movie aisle b/c those are the only "kid-tested/mother-approved" things to watch and then we apply that touchy-feeliness into our apologetics. For some reason, that kind of argument works for a lot of people and they never question the logic, b/c they feel their faith is all they need. This is to their credit. However . . . not all the world thinks like that--especially not those who fancy themselves to be "intelligent."

Fortunately, God covers His bases . . . unfortunately, it's hard to see those bases when so many people blindly follow and cannot give an argument any more convincing than, "Well, Jesus said it! So that settles it!" This may be true . . . but Jesus never answered anyone like that. Who do we think we are when we say it?

Now, you may be able to convince and explain predestination/freewill away in your own mind without coming to grips with post-modern humanistic thinking, but let me tell you something. The graduate student down the street studying Nietzsche doesn't agree. And let me tell you something else. God loves that graduate student and wants you to be able to talk to him. If your logic has one little hole in it, some may let themselves buy it, but many will not listen.

Sooner or later, people figure things out. For instance, if you tell someone, "you have the power inside you to overcome anything!" that may empower them for the time being--and it's a nice Disney thing to say; however, once they start to see how limited their "power" actually is, they will see the flaw in the logic and may not trust your advice again. I believe this is the greatest cause of clinical depression--nothing works, nowhere to turn, and I've tried everything.

Unfortunately, people will use this same "empowering" logic and call it God--which is how Christians get depressed. When they don't feel empowered by God, they turn against Him b/c "He didn't work." But . . . He does work. Perhaps the problem is not that God doesn't work, but rather that people don't actually need empowering. Maybe people just need to trust God whether or not they have some kind of "successful" or "happy" life. God never commands us to be successful; He commands us to trust Him. God never commands us to be happy; He commands us to be content.

Instead of feeling the "i can do anything!" mentality, which will eventually fail, maybe we should think, "Jesus died for my sins, so anything good I get from this life is bonus!"

If you really sit and think about it . . . you come to the realization that trusting God and being content is actually much more freeing than being successful and happy.

The reason is because of limits. Success is not something that can be measured. The most "successful" person may feel successful for 99% of the time, but . . . that nagging one percent . . . that nagging one percent. It doesn't go away, b/c success is something we continually desire in greater and greater amounts. If we are honest with ourselves, we would admit that we really only feel successful when we compare ourselves to those we don't find as successful. And there is another word for that: pathetic.

The same goes for happiness. Think of the last thing that made you happy. Now picture doing that all the time. At first, that notion may seem like heaven on earth . . . however, human nature gets bored with anything. I think of that "De Motivational Poster" with the guy sitting next to a beautiful girl and looking really bored. The caption says something like, "next to every beautiful girl sits a bored average-looking guy who would have killed just to be near her three months ago."

Really, success and happiness are wolves in sheep's clothing. They are chains. They just cause more and more problems. However, if we trust God and are content, we can be truly free. If we trust God and are content even when it seems He's destined us to fail and have hard times, nothing can touch us. I'm not talking about a "good ship Lollipop" mentality. That is just faking happiness. I'm talking about true trust and contentment. The kind of contentment that caused Horatio Spafford to pen the words to "It is Well with My Soul" in the wake of losing not only his finances but nearly everyone dear to him. The kind of trust that gave the blind hymn writer, Fanny Crosby, the faith that she would one day see her Savior's face. Compare these with celebrities today and then tell me who has contentment and who is just faking happiness. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the truth.

Perhaps, just like we don't need empowering, we also don't need to know everything. You know what? It's probably not even that we don't need to so much we just can't. We can't know everything, b/c we live within time. We can only know the past and the present. Anything about the future we know b/c God loves us enough to tell us. If we knew all the future, we'd go insane. We don't like being left in the dark and we like to think that God is a big mean ogre for doing that to us . . . but look what we do with money. Look what we do with our children. Look what we do with power. Do we really think we can be trusted with knowledge of everything? Doesn't it make more sense to trust in a Perfect Being who has everything laid out and planned and allows us to make free choices within His plan?

This is why we need to be serious when talking about predestination and freewill. People can see through the argument when you side with one or the other. People can see that there are consequences to their actions, so predestination sounds like a lie. People also can see that sometimes, circumstances are beyond their control, so predestination seems like an inescapable frustration. Above all, people are choosing to die and we feel we can simply WATCH them b/c of "predestination"??? We cannot simply say one or the other. They BOTH need consideration. Don't bring holy things down to our level and then sugar-coat them, b/c that has proven to be wrong thinking. Predestination and freewill are both present. They are both true. Stop fitting God into a little box of patriotism so you and your golfing buddies can have something to make you proud of discussing. God isn't the Olympics.